If santa answered his mail honestly

ZeroAccess · Post by **ZeroAccess** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 2:01 pm

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....
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Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,
Santa

High Society · Post by **High Society** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 6:44 pm

Lol, I liked it. Good thing I never believed in santa, that fat f*ck.

Darthness · Post by **Darthness** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 7:03 pm

joeyc · Post by **joeyc** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 9:38 pm

What do you mean you don't believe in Santa? You must have been a bad boy growing up!! lol

OnYrMrk · Post by **OnYrMrk** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 9:40 pm

You mean Santa isnt real???

<sniff>

cargodz · Post by **cargodz** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 2:05 am

Who doesn't believe in Santa?
That's it... I'm sicking the Easter Bunny on your @ss

And keep in mind the Tooth Fairy is strapped and can get into your house while your asleep.

There is also a reason that they say in the song "You better watch out"

stephensmia · Post by **stephensmia** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 4:19 am

that was to funny

theformat · Post by **theformat** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:16 am

Dear santa...
I would enjoy a brand new 2006 accord with leather seats, a real nice alpine deck, and a super customized sound system that pounds
Love, Kyle
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Dear Kyle,
I believe you will never own anything nicer than a 1996 astro van with ripped out carpeting and a bed of roaches in the back.
And by the way, i had sex with your girlfriend
Love Santa
P.S. - And your mom

ZeroAccess · Post by **ZeroAccess** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 2:46 pm

LOL!!!!
that was classic

brisgreat1 · Post by **brisgreat1** » Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:59 pm

haha i liked the Timmy one