Cant sleep, feelings and thoughts of worthlessness

Mithrandir · Post by **Mithrandir** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:50 pm

I had to quit my job today because of allergies. I cant sleep now, I just keep thinking how worthless I am, how much of a failure I am, 19 no job, never even had one for more than a few weeks. I feel like I dunno I cant work certain places, because of my experiences with people. I keep hoping I die just so it all goes away and I dont have to worry about anything anymore, no more having no friends because I dont dress or think like them, no more anything. I dunno I just feel like I have to tell someone, I dont know what to do except fade away, life isnt supposed to be like this :help:

Scarrell · Post by **Scarrell** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:57 pm

eh, im not really good at this... but i felt the same way when my g/f cheated on my after 2 years and shit... but there is no need to feel like that... if people dont like you for the way you dress or just for you then they obviously arent friends and shit, but i know how it is with the job situation... longest ive ever had a job was like a month.... but i always buy my own stuff with my money.... anyway if you werent on this board id probably tell you to go kill yourself because i didnt wanna hear it/read it.. because there is no reason to think like that or believe that you are worthless... i thought like that.. tried to commit suicide and realized later how F%cking stupid it was and still is to even think like that.. we all have thoughts like this, but theres lots more than what we know in town and stuff dude..... anyway trust me it isnt worth thinking like that..

Jszar · Post by **Jszar** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 8:34 pm

when you get into a rut like this, take advantage of it. you can use this to channel your energy into something you want, and not give a damn about what other people think. find something you like, and do it....even if it seems impossible. you make it sound like you have no life because you cant keep a job etc., so make one for yourself. i know a lot of people that have come from nothing and made their own success and luck. and i'll add that they were all somewhat in your shoes at one point in time...ie depressed, really shitty luck etc. some people just cant do things they dont like because of their personality. i'm the type that can take some shit in the face for a while before i lose it....i guess you're not. there are pro's and con's to that. look at the pro's not the con's. develop an attitude and mental state, and live each day with it till its habit.

oh....and have some fuggin fun too.

lotas · Post by **lotas** » Mon Apr 18, 2005 9:06 pm

I know where you are and believe me, you will get out of it and when you look back on it it wont be much of a big deal. just keep going strong. dont make rash decisions, think quite a bit about consequences of actions and such, at least you are being yourself, you are not giving in to other people just to be friends with them. that makes you stronger than about 70% of kids in high school, so good job. You are a lot better than you feel you are, which you should discover soon.

Ryan from Ohio · Post by **Ryan from Ohio** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 2:10 am

Thats about how I felt around a year ago.

After all I did like 4-5 months unemployment, got a job for two months- quit. Then had no job for like 2 months. Found another job, worked 2 months got laid off for another 10 months!.

All being in my early 20's with a kid to take care of.

Life isnt easy and it sometimes isnt fun, but it will get better. Set a goal and try and male progress every day. Your not worthless, you just havent found your path in life yet!

Fishy · Post by **Fishy** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 4:04 am

Ummm.... I know exactly where you're coming from.

I was diagnosed with Bi Polar Disorder(Manic Depression) nearly twenty years ago and over the years I've often had to combat feelings of worthlessness as well as deal with large credit card bills occasionally accrued when I got too happy for my own good.

All I can say is its not your fault you feel this way. $hit happens and some of us more sensitve types can have a hard time dealing with it. If you're really feeling down its best to hash it out just like you're doing here, but if its really, really bad don't be afraid to go talk to someone who can do something about it. I know in my case its simply a matter of a chemical imbalance which can be reduced with the help of medication. I'm not saying thats you, and I know there's a stigma involved with seeking medical help that can make feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem, etc. that much worse, but it ain't gonna kill ya to give it a try if things don't get better

Things really started to improve when I realized that its not that I'm not as "good" as other people and quit worrying(as much) about what I thought others thought of me. Hell, I'm just different is all and just like people to like me as most everyone does.

Yeah the turning point came when I lost my job of 15+ years(Boat Captain) because of this disorder. It forced me to face up to reality. I was really angry at first and tried to blame my employer when deep down I was actually blaming myself. Then one day I just said "screw it", "it just doesn't matter", "ain't nothin but a chicken wing", etc. :) and have been gettin better ever since.

I know all this is just words and may not really be helping much at the moment, but I also know that things are never as bad as they seem when I'm feeling like this. Just don't let it snowball. If its bad go see someone.

Oh and like was said above if your friends don't like it. Screw em. They ain't the kind of friends you need anyways.

-Fishy

Mithrandir · Post by **Mithrandir** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:48 am

thanks guys, im gonna attempt to go to school for computer diagnostics and repair, since ive been doing that anyway ever since I got my first pc and Im pretty good at it. I just hope its not a waste of money. Im really hoping i find some people like me, who would like to get together on the weekend and have a lan party instead of goin to a bowling alley and talking to all the town drug dealers and the sleazy girls they hang around with.

Fishy · Post by **Fishy** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 9:20 am

You could compromise and invite some sleazy girls over for a lan party.

-Fishy

Mithrandir · Post by **Mithrandir** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:23 pm

yeah, but see I dont like sleazy girls, like its really a big turn off when I hear about oh i sucked so and so's (censored) last night, or yeah ive been with all kinds of guys or this and that, i just dont like it lol.

Jonathan · Post by **Jonathan** » Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:29 pm

We've all been in our low points in our lives. About a month after my daughter was born, my wife was killed by a drunk driver. Through coping with that I was forced to quit the job I loved because I was pulling long shifts and getting called in constantly, and I couldn't take care of her in that situation. I was alone, angry, depressed, and every part of me was pushed to every limit I had. I closed myself off from everyone including my family, every morning I woke up hating myself and my life, I felt beaten down 24/7, it was by far the worst point in my entire life. Then I decided to take a risk and I helped my Brother start an audio shop, and we both worked there for a little over 6 years. It helped him get his feet on the ground and me take care of my daughter, while still having fun at work and regaining perspective on things by helping people and making friends. Life goes on, I'm now engaged and building a house, I have back the job I love (Plant Systems Technician, mainly an Automation specialist), and I'm happier now than I've ever been. Sure I have my financial tights and I get stressed out now and then, but I've become stronger from what I've gone through in the past, and the same will happen for you.